April 8

If you want to get rid of undue stress in your life,

it’s simple! Just stop doing things that stress you out.

Like laundry and cleaning the cat box,

or hearing the shrieking blare of your alarm clock.

Just go ahead and turn it off—

No harm, no foul.

Stop feeding the dog and the kids as well.

Eschewing the critical thinking skills that go into

dinner decisions can save any dozen

skipped heart beats in the five o’clock hour alone.

Work is no longer an option,

which is good since the alarm clock now

rests in pieces on the floor below the big hole

in the wall you’re not going to have to fix

now that you’ve eliminated the tension in your life.

And that tax check that’s due next week—

the one you haven’t had the courage to write?

No worries! Just shove your money concerns out the

door with civic responsibilities and

that dinner you volunteered to coordinate for the

elderly folks in your church.

I’m sure they won’t mind.

The kids don’t need lessons or help with their homework.

If they can’t do it themselves by now,

there’s not much hope for their futures anyway.

So don’t worry!

And most important of all, get yourself some duct tape

to plaster over the miniscule mouth out of which that

bothersome voice in your head that keeps nagging

you to write a poem a day.

What was I thinking?